Dry Skin

i love banksy, if you haven't seen his street art look it up.

I'm going to buy myself this bike in the spring, so that in the summer i can ride around and listen to music and save gas when its really expensive. mary moved to rosebank so now i dpn't have anyone living 10 minutes away from me anymore, but an hour bike trip would be nice in the summer.

I can't believe this year is almost over i feel like so much has happened and honestly i can't wait till after new years for the simple fact that i won't have to save all my money anymore and i can stop being a debbie downer on the weekends. winter doesn't excite me though. new york is so brutal in the winter and i like to hibernate. its suppose to snow tomorrow. i have my best friend from high schools wedding in 5 days. its crazy that shes getting married. when we were 14 we use to write notes to each other all day in school about boys and our boyfriends and pass them in classes we had together , or in between classes we didnt have together. everyone still thinks we are sisters and its still great.i wish i saw her more. shes moving to hawaii, one of my favorite places, and i hope i can visit her in june.

i have 2 semesters of school left. if i take 25 credits next semester i can walk in graduation and then take like 2 or 3 classes in the fall. im been sending out countless resumes for internships and barely getting anything back. i think its true when everyone said its all about who you know. but i met my moms friends and had coffee and stuff with her on 38th last week and then went to briannas office to help her hang clothes and clean the showroom. i'm born and raised in new york and have never been to macys and we walked past and i dragged her in and then ran out from the amount of people trying to run me over.

i miss people i want to do things over my break. i really want to go to the tim burton exhibit at the moma.

i also want to volunteer at a rehab center and take a film theory class, im one of those people who hates watching movies they hate though.

I posed for my friend brianna a while ago for one of her art classes in boys clothes..these are her paintings of me!

The winters a drag. i want to burrow into a hole made of blankets and pillows on my bed and pop out 5 months later in time for summer sunshine. everyone hibernates and i boycott.

Internship search is moving along i guess. i discovered i'm really impatient and don't want to wait for people to e-mail me back so i might just get dressed up and go to some of these places. hopefully they'll see it as showing initiative and not me being obsessive or crazy. I've sent out about 15 resumes and my mom hooked me up with some people i have to e-mail to meet for coffee and chat...like a grown up. hopefully next semester i have 2 days of school, 2 days of internship and 2 days of work.

And if the snow buries my,
my neighbourhood.
And if my parents are crying
then I'll dig a tunnel
from my window to yours,
yeah a tunnel from my window to yours.
You climb out the chimney
and meet me in the middle,
the middle of the town.
And since there's no one else around,
we let our hair grow long
and forget all we used to know,
then our skin gets thicker
from living out in the snow.

- neighborhood #1 tunnels by arcade fire.

I never update anymore. slacker.

Needs:

- to graduate with a bachelors, which may require me to double major since i only need five more classes. Possibly journalism or cooperate communications. One more year.

- a trip to germany or paris, but probably paris because i can stay with my dads cousins. and another trip back to sunny california to regain my tan from summer.

- new furniture

- a big warm winter coat and lots of sweaters

- lots of money

- final-cut pro so i don't have to travel to school to edit video and make inconvenient appointments.

- AN INTERNSHIP. if i make the ballsy choice to do one next semester i need to figure this out asap.

- in and out burger VV

-

Left Coast Envy

California was beautiful. Big post asap

Ends.

End of Summer is exactly two weeks away,

i have to pull some strings with advisors at school to get some classes changed hopefully,

finish my resume and apply to internships which i've been putting off because i refuse to think about getting older 24/7.....but i hate my job lately so it needs to happen anywayz

but first

West Hollywood/ Venice Beach/ Santa Monica/ hopefully i convince mary to go to the red woods

in 1 week.

anxieties: 

the plane ride

that something terrible will happen home while i'm 3000 miles away

that something terrible will happen on vacay while i'm 3000 miles away

Keep it movin

So much has changed in the last month that i can't even wrap my head around it, 

if there wasnt a few people here i care about id run far away

I went to monessen , PA near pittsburgh.  creepy fucking town.  a toxic chemical cloud escaped from the factory thats there and killed most of the people in the town , and the factory was closed down so everyone else left because they lost their jobs.  it was a pretty abandoned town.  we went down to visit nikki and chris for nikkis birthday.  most of the people were chill and i had a really good time.  it was really good to get away and go into the country.  i ate dennys everyday, was amazing.  came really close to thinking a hairless rat was cute and it touched me and i didnt kill it,  this is a HUGE accomplishment for me since i hate all rodents. some dude has a tattoo of himself (yes himself tattoed on himself) as the devil on his left shoulder and jerry garcia as an angel playing guitar on his right shoulder.  ate mad ego waffles, and lived on a porch for a weekend.

I think i made an awesome resume and i'm glad that i can get multiple salon cilent recommendations.  my rents went to north carolina for the last week.  i love sleeping with my dog.  i probably washed every clothing item in my room this past week.  i started to jump rope as a work out and i realized i need to quit smoking.  nicole moved to california monday, it sucks, but were booking our plane tickets this weekend. i feel alone sometimes, but ive realized its better, and i'm really not.

Sandy Hair

updated summer bucket list, etc:

- LA august 24-27, SF 28-30

-getting tanner, but not tan yet, but i will be black soon enough

- megan fox stomach coming soon

- more celebs deaths prob

- CT to go wake-boarding and hanging on the lake with my cousins and friends

- new hair, new bangs

-Pittsburgh July 10th

Remember when we talked of where we'd be a year from now?

Unreliability ... have I figured out my biggest pet peeve.  No this probably just adds onto the list because its pretty HUGE in my book.

I think lately i've lost a giant part of myself to trying to please everyone.  I mean, i've always been like this but its gone above and beyond.   i don't even think of myself anymore and i'm pretty disgusted with myself.   everything has become a hassle everyday , stepping on eggshells, with everyone .  maybe i'm just having a nervous breakdown or something. or maybe its all this rain.  

Met up with nik and ate dukes and got caught in the monsoon season that new york had been going through the entire month of june .   went to a psychic and she told me that i'm practicing some form of magic, that i should work in entertainment ( she also told nik that, but thats my major in school), and that i'm going to marry someone 2 years older than me.  she says i'm in relationships ( yes plural) now that i need to fix up.   maybe my nervous breakdowns and this are all connected?

i've been listening to shook ones and pearl jam for the entire month.  i'm heading out to california with mary to stay with nicole for about a week and i can't wait.  i need to get away from the city.  we're seriously under a plague.

i'm suppose to go to the driving range with my dad for fathers day. i hate golf more than any other sport i know of.  

39th st flea market next weekend..and my cousins memorial service ... on m dads birthday..and then the next day is sams birthday.

Burning Sea

I think i'm completely avoiding a huge crossroads in my life because i'm scared.  Its like having my eyes closed but also seeing so clearly that it is there.  I haven't written in while , half because i'm lazy, and half because i'm really unsure of what i feel and what i want to write.  my mom talked to me about moving out yesterday and it was the icing on my cake that things are changing, and have to change , wether i ignore it or not its going to happen. the weirdest part is that something is telling me all the changes coming will be good for me, but i need to take action so i don't fall behind.

Schools over.  June 10th-14th im gonna go to the bonarroo music festival in Tenn.  camping out for 4 nights on a 700 acre farm. ELVIS COSTELLO , jenny lewis, passion pit, all playing!  last year kanye west had a light show at 4 am.

july 4th free, jenny lewis and bright eyes

july 10th PTW, i can't wait.

its late, summers here, i'll be up until sunrise, my favorite

Im going to have to make really big decisions soon

Take your wings outside, you can't fly in here.

Schools really stressful.  Im alright, but I need to get out of NY for a little.

Dude got held up at gunpoint , well 3 gunpoints, at 4p.m. next door to my job.

Me and Paul tried to make beats.  I bought a lot of movies.

Endwell Cd release show.

Need to get a tattoo asap, but after May 10th because I need to save money till then.

School ending present to myself.

Somewhere out there between the moon and the sea, I wait for you my dear

I've been listening to a lot of new music.  heres some of my favorite itune library newbies

Little joy
Their whole album is good but i personally enjoy the song "Unattainable" the most.  The chick has a really nice voice but isn't the only one who sings.

David Cook, I know he was an American Idol winnner but i can listen to his song "Come back to me" on repeat for a long time and i have crazy music ADD so that says a lot.  

So i'll let you go 
I'll set you free 
And when you see what you need to see 
When you find you come back to me

Sean Lennon? beautiful. His song "Tomorrow" almost put me to tears.  i don't know why i've only started listening to him for about a month and not forever

Because I promise to stop loving you tomorrow
Today will be your last day in my arms again
I promise to stop thinking of you constantly 
And wishing I could wake up every morning next to you
Darling yes it’s true
But today can we pretend it’s not too late
Today can we pretend

Canned Heat, a classic, played at Woodstock etc.  Love the song going up to country, it's just happy, nice, and brings summer heat to my ears, if you get what i'm saying?

Matthew Perryman Jones. His song "Save you" is really good , I haven't downloaded any other yet.

Painting my room!

going where the water tastes like wine.

i need to save 600$ in 2 weeks.

LAMBCHOPS

Spring break is finally here and here is my bucket list for it:

- get a subject and plan my 5 minute interview/docu for video production class.  CSI screwed me and i can't rent out during spring break which would be the perfect time.

- eat really good food everyday and ralphs ice

- paint my room

-go up to woodstock with tina

- go to CT. w/ the family for connecticut and maybe MASS. for metalfest but probs not. because i want to save up for dirty jersey atlantic city beaches for pauls birthday and old homstead giant 7 oz steacks and of course presents for him.

-new hair color?

- take in the 2 weeks of sun!

- save for cali roadtrip also.

I got an A on my Rush Limbaugh vs. The Presidency paper!

save the planet.

This is where your path comes to an end.

I've been really busy lately with school , work, boyfriend, and friends. I've been falling way behind in school and just want it to be over and done with, not even caring about my grades anymore but just passing and not having to vent about it anymore here would be great.

I did some thrift shopping yesterday at buffalo exchange and no relations.  those places always smell funkz. buff ex. wouldn't let these two girls who were maybe around 15 exchange clothes for money because they weren't 18 yet and didn't have a parent with them?  is the world fucking kidding, they should be happy these two little girls are taking incentive for themselves to make money before that can have a job and also exchange clothes to give to other people. no?

- over all , nothing to write home about.

- got sweet mint colored canvas from urban, lots of sunglasses from st. marks where the dude was up my butt stalking me watching i wouldn't steal any of his merch and vegetarian spring rolls with a green tea chicken wrap from yaffa w/ nick.

I was sent this band passion pit's EP, so nice to listen to.  theyre a mix of animal collective, postal service, and black kids...to me at least.  i've been obsessing over them for the past week.

on the music note, i need alkaline trio tix.

I covered all week for the other shampoo assistant at work and made a lot of money so i was able to put 100 big ones in my venice beach fund, or any beach fund, or anyplace far away in california with a beach that i can drive to.
It was mary's birthday a couple of weeks ago.  Trash took away my ID which was bullshit of all places because i've never gotten rejected from there, or anywhere.  SO ANYONE WITH BLACK HAIR AND BLUE EYES OVER 21 WHATS GUUUD? I NEED YOUR ID.

the root of the root

Good things about myself:

- if i really consider you my friend i'm very loyal to you. i will always keep your deepest secrets and just regular aspects of your life to myself. betraying someone would wear me down

- i'm a good listener even though i'm pretty sure i have a.d.d. while storying telling, i'll always try to give you the best advice

- best astrological advice to go with the last one

- 99% polite to everyone  to keep things easy

- always up for fun

flaws:

- i need everything ( friends, boyfriend, work, family, job) to be fairly balanced but i feel like i'm usually the only one in the world to feel that this strongly so i usually fuck the balance up. trying not to hurt anyones feelings and keep things fair

- apologize too much  for things people would never dream of apologizing for

- takes so long for people to let people in causing me to be really judgmental sometimes

-hard for me to put myself first

-sometimes flakey

-worry wart

- hard time saving money

I lost my ambition when I swallowed my pride

Things coming up

+ paint my room the perfect shade of eggshell or some white/ yellow color

+ get more lamps for light

+ finish the last twilight series book

+ do good on midterms. dont slack off on all the projects i have

I hate sitting somewhere , listening to a conversation or worse being in one, while you see right through that person.  It makes me so uncomfortable and i wonder if i'm the only one thinking this or of people do this with me.

The weekend was nice.  It was warm the ENTIRE three days of it, which put mostly everyone in a good mood.  Friday there was a show at docks. my girlfriends, dude friends, and a million and a half kids i've never seen in my life.  it was poops birthday , we all smoked and ate chinese and found out they deliver past midnight.

Saturday nicole surprised me at work, we ate pretzel crushed chicken , only the best chicken ever p.s., and shopped. me paul and ralph went up to purchase to joes house. it was fun, his new house is really nice, stuffed our faces with pigs in a blanket and beer.  thought i was going to actually die on the ride home though.

Sunday  was the parade in west brighton.  i was drinking in a parking lot with my friends and drunk by 11 am. saw a lot of people from high school. went to a way too crowded bar.  fell more in love with mary tina and nicole. went into a coma around 5 pm because i got home at 6 am the day before.

this week is rainy and glum.

i have work in a half hour and i'm still in bed. i wanna live in pauls bed.

i have to make a 1-2 minute movie from a prospective of an inanimate object.  I'm going to do it from a plates p.o.v.  i hope it turns out good, i should have really started already.  i have to rent equip. tomorrow.

I took a Zumba fitness class.  It was great! every girl should take this class.  I go after class on thursdays at 10 am.  Its a mix of salsa, reggae, and latino dance moves mixed into a fitness work out.  my teacher played sean paul and souja boy. nuff said.  I also take an abs class for an hour afterward.

Flightless bird, grounded.

So,

Things I don't care about:

1. media conglomeration and synergy

2. the 100$ deposit i was suppose to have for class last week

3.  motivated cuts/ directing or coming up for a movie story line of any type

4. the foot of snow we got

5. any snapple besides fruit punch currently

6. going out with my hair damp

7. being broke

anybody who hasn't read the twilight books, needs to read them. i must have been living under a rock, but the love story its really intense and great, i now understand why there are "twimom" aka moms who are just as obsessed with twilight and edward as much as their 13 year old daughters.

Brianna sketched me. 

I was Daniele's patient, she cleaned my teeth, I need to start flossing.

We move like the sea. You, you're all i want to know.

Soon. 

So, since my cousin was killed i've been having a re- occurring dream that i am at different peoples funerals. people that i've just only been around a few times in my life, not anyone that has made an impact or been important to it in any way.  anyways, when i wake up i just feel shitty and want to scream. i need some kind of remedy to get rid of this.

on a good note:

my godfathers daughter works for HOUSE productions and castings in the city across from the chelsea market and asked me if i wanted her to save me a spot for an internship in the summer.  fucking awesome.  and it would only be about 2 days a week but thats ok with me because 1. i'm not getting paid and 2. i don't want to be working my ass off for no money during the summer.  the only part about it is that i really wanted to drive cross country and travel during the summer. i've been saving money and all.  i know it's not as important career wise but travel is really important to me and i wanted to do it before internships and jobs  got in the way, i guess they beat me to the punch tho.

valentines was cute. i got long stemmed roses and love lobster tail.

and also, i really understand why 95% of the world is obsessed with Twilight. AND kate winslet should win the oscar for The Reader.

Blow away from my window

Things I learn from work:

- Women are funny , they will not legally seperate from a guy and by the time youre in your 60s theyre hoping you die before them so they can collect or tha

t they don't lose their life insurance.  In a way it's pretty much one of the smartest things you can do when you fall out of love or leave but are not divorced. " Try to die before 70 so I don't lose my insurance" haha.

- The nicest thing to buy your wife for valentines day is a new wardrobe because she just lost 21 pds on weight watchers!

-This old man always calls to make an appointment and then eventually calls back 5 times throughout the week to change it , but his wife drives him and he always says " let me ask my bride if thats an alright time" its cute. she isn't so nice to him tho.

- there ARE truly selfless people in the world. One woman let her marriage go to shit because she was there for her friend everyday not spending time on her relationship, for a long long time when her husband died unexpectantly.  Also, and at the same time, I've learned some people really do die alone..

- Ben Affleck sucks, but already knew that

-Don't open a door even if its a cop.  If he doesn't have a badge and legit patrol car outside then you should be talking to him from your window...on the second floor, not first. 

-how to use an exercise ball

- Some couples never fly together when they go on trips/ out of town/ wherever because they figure only one of the two planes is likely to crash, and there should be one parent left so nothing happens to their kids.

I work at a hair salon, none of these facts are about hair

I'm growing out the black from my hair, i'm going to be wearing a hair forever until it gets far enough to Oops. lets see if i can do this.

I watched this show called Married to the Eiffel Tower. It's about woman with objectophilla, meaning they believe they have loving sexual relationships with objects such as the golden gate brides, amusement park rides, the berlin wall, a bow n arrow, and one woman is really married to the eiffel tower.  There are only woman objectophillists (sp?), what does this tell you?

couldnt post the video but heres the link. insane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEwFE6DDi6I

Someone recommend a good book to read because i have a long break on tuesdays at school and want to read during it.

I think i want to try to go for a 4.0 this semester.  I know i can do these things, frankly, i just turn up lazy most of the time.  Schools good tho.

My video production class freaks me out.  My teachers a successful documentary film maker and was a professional photographer before hand.  Our first assignment was to taking pictures reflecting 7 basics of composition and we learned some camera techniques.  I have to fine time to take all my certification tests so i can rent out equipment.

My Italian class is still the same because its the same teacher but I know what to expect and if i do the online homework i'll get an A. online homework just bothers me in general i want to write everything on paper, old school, not even type it.

Media studies lecture is awesome.  This kid said that since elton john came out of the closet you don't hear him on the radio anymore, and everyone bugged out about his comments. Now when I was movies i really notice the advertisements in them because of synergy and cross-promotion of corporations

My radio production class is the best one.  My teachers awesome and everyone in the class is really friendly which is hard to find at this school and i usually just keep to myself.  We watched mythbusters and an angry documentary on Telsa and also listened to the Hindenburgh board cast and next week is war of the worlds!  this class also has a blogspot, sweet.

I'm going to  start running again, and i'll finally realize how out of shape I am the first time i go out on thursday,  but i need more things for myself, and i use to love running even if it was below zero.

and last, so guilty of being / acting like an ecstatic 13 yr. old when i heard blink was getting back together! you have no idea i chased there van 10 blocks in the city when i was a sophmore in high school, and was a legit member of the street team.  

youre about to ruin everything.

Darling take me by the hand, we're gonna be a punk rock band

i do ridiculous things. i got extremely stoned and ordered food from a dinner because no one would eat with me there and so i figured i would just order out since it was 3 am. so i ordered a turkey club with honey mustard and a strawberry milkshake. p.s. i am now obsessed with strawberry milkshakes, thank you megan. so i went there and picked it up and i walked out and went in my car to drive home when i decided that i couldn't wait and went back inside , walked pass the hostess , and grabbed a booth for myself, opened the bag and ate everything.30 minutes later i realized eating it in my bed would have been so much better.

I hope this song will guide you home.

Its so true when people say that losing someone can give you a completely knew perspective on certain things in your life.  My cousin Dan got into a car accident and died last night in connecticut (where he lives).  He was 21.  He had an on and off girlfriend for five years, two sisters and two half sisters, etc.  He was driving from his moms house back to my uncles and possibly could have been speeding, hit black ice, his car fishtailed , flippped over, and went off the road, and filled with snow .  im in complete misery  and even more mortified because you never really think that those types of things will happen to someone close to you.  i woke up in a good mood but i heard my mom crying downstairs and then he told me. my entire family is a mass. whats worse is the memorial service, because my uncle and his ex are of different religions, isnt till tuesday so i have to sit around anxious and nuts until then.  i just want to get there and be with my family.

dan was the only cousin i am pretty close too. i never see my cousins so  a lot of the time its just small talk because we live so far, but me and dan had plans for him to come here so i can show him the real nyc and not just canal street and i was gonna go to Uconn with him for this huge 3 day long tailgate.

all of this made me break out in hives

and more shit from this day made me feel betrayed

i wish i was with my mom in connecticut

no other subjects should really be a part of this post, ya know?

WASHINGTON

Densel Washington as George Washington, the first BLACK president.

DENZEL DENZEL DENZEL

this wudda been cool.

We're living under covers.

Paul and I are driving cross country in the summer.  He works too early .  I have 300$ saved. I want to save at least 30$ a week. i'm so amped i hope this goes down.

Somehow my brother, who doesnt have a job ever, is also doing this but stopping to camp everywhere. I know my parents give him money and hide it from me.  Its complete bullshit since if i wasn't working for the past 4 years theyd slay me.

I watched Milk. It was fucking amazing. Sean Penn should get an oscar.

more importantly:

I WATCHED INTO THE WILD AND IT CHANGED EVERYTHING.

I have insane amount of polaroids i need to scan but need new ink. Why do scanners require ink?

I owe 200$ and i'm screwed. money situ's always suck so bad

I ordered a swimsuit and a new romper im excited to come.

Playlist:

1.Let's make this moment a crime- the format

2. Bringer of truth- through the eyes of the dead

3. everything poison the well as always, and they need to come to nyc

4. cats in heat- the honorary title

5. stupid kid- alk3

6. polar bear club

7. eddie vedder

8. numbers- sky eats airplane

9. american me

10. the way i feel inside- the zombies

11. is there a ghost- band of horses

12. this modern love- bloc party

13. all of weezers blue album again and again