Wednesday, July 30, 2008


SO a lot has happened i have to say. first things first is what i'm not going to say because i believe that i shouln't walk under ladders nor should i open umbrellas indoors nor should i assume because it makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me" and so i will not so anything because i believe in jinxing as well.

sam james groves and i tracked around ikea for the longest time 
sometime last week. james got a new apartment on the island , i can't wait for his dinner / move in bbq. me and sam helped him pick out bathroom supplies.  i only look foward to sweetish meatballs and lingonberry tho .

 pauls brother rob turned 15. when i met him he was 13. he has matured so much that its scary. it really is seeing someone grow up so fast in a year 1/2. 

i went up to connecticut to celebrate another birthday but this one was for my uncle, he was 50.  my cousin is probably going to die from doing so many drugs and she flaunts and talks about  how " if its white its right" in front of everyone and everyone is oblivious except for my cousin dan, his girlfriend, my  cousin taylor, and bryan. i love going on the boat and watch people swing from a rope and drop down 40 ft into the water. i need a BOAT.


i need to leave my house immediatly. i went to FIT today to get some info but they werent much help, no college system is i dont think. i made up this plan in my head and it goes like this:  i dont really want to dorm at FIT but i will if my only other choice is living in my house. i want to get an apartment or house in brooklyn with a couple roomates but i have to figure out who and need a better job to do so. i planned on seeing what classes would give me credit for fit that i could take at CSI because i'm not going to pay for classes that i dont need. if there arent a lot of classes that i can take then i will only take one or two and the i was going to try to get a second job in the city and maybe quit my other one which would be hard because ive been there almost 4 YEARS. with that job i would save up money and either figure out how to get an apartment mid semester OR dorm and save up and move out sometime during the year. my relationship with my parents and even brother has just gotten so bad and its no one fault it's just time for me to leave the nest, ya know?!


also today i waited around in the city for an hour to get a fake id and the guy told me i need 25$ more dollars so i went and spend it on way too expensive clothes.  i plan go to again sunday hopfully i'll have the money. i want to go to the park sunday too and lay with friends .NIKKI ASHTON THIS MEANS YOU. please lets get mango ice cream as well and drink water with lemon. and isnt there that skate thing saturday?

im anxious again i need to get out.

p.s. my internet is a piece of shit.

p.s. i love my new phone.

Monday, July 21, 2008



i walk away.

totally cute.

dazed and confussed

you think i'd be taking advantage of this heatwave and going to the beach but of course i'm not and i'll regret it when the next week comes and its rain rain rain.

there is about a month and a week of summer left which freaks me the fuck out because i have to do a lot if i want to transfer to FIT by spring.  i'm scared of pe
rsonal things that might come up that are going to distract me from what i want and make my mind all cloudy. thats what usually happens and i can't let it!  i need to go to the school this week, probably wednesday when i go get my new fake. i want to talk to admissions about my essay, apply there, and see if there any classes i should take at CSI that will benefit for FIT.

thursday i met nicole in the city at her job on 34th and we went down to houston and ate at this french thai place called elephant. i had green papaya salad with chili and lime which a side of curly fries. it was amazing. niggz told us they would fuck us so hard we'd have to smoke our entire pack of boggies afterwards. YEA

didn't go to sirenfest saturday because it was way too hot. its ok though because the line up wasn't that great at all. later though daniele and i went to bushwick to nikkis party. really fun, really hot. met cool people. on the way home i almost fought a girl on the ferry with daniele. she started with us because of past things that happened with daniele and her boyfriend , than sat at the back of the ferry and we had the whole other side of the ferry, which consisted of ghetto criminals, asking about her STDs and yelling at her. i didn't get home till 7 am and feel asleep fully clothed, shoes , bag, and all.  i chain smoked all night and somehow managed to get through 3 packs of redz and now i've had this big ball in my throat ever since. i'm glad i found out everyons sign it was giving me anxiety that i didn't know them, which is sad. i remember kathelenn was really funny saturday but i forget what she was saying that was so funny.

its not that i don't believe what you say,
its just i'm scared you'll forget what you said you believed in.
where do i belong?

Saturday, July 19, 2008



Thursday, July 17, 2008

you were first on my list.

i've had the strongest urge for travel for about 4 months now.  i think its because when i'm in a relationship i just like to be with that person and i become a huge homebody and thats the experience i want to stick with.
now that its over i have the urge again. i can't wait to have more money so i can just get up and GO.

i'm going to transfer to FIT in the spring and probably choose a business major and then get into interior design.  This will be my thrid college i've gone too.  I hope i stick with this because i just find it really hard to stick to something you don't know if you'll like if you actually have a career in it.

i went to antik with nikki , her friends, carianne and daniele. karaoke is so much fun when you are shwasted. i wish nikki stayed longer.  i'm getting a fake id on saturday with mary so we can go out all the time because GUESS WHAT it's almost the end of july , how is there one more month of summer left?  everything just became so stressful and more tiring than anything and i most of forgot all about time...

once you knew a girl and you named her lover.

i don't want to love anymore.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

bad actors with bad habits

i wish everytime you came crawling back i would have left you with the " what if?" and not have taken you back so that would have learned to love me like you did.
i hate this feeling, i hate feeling betrayed.

i'm suffocating in my house, it's not making me better here , its making me worse.
i need to find a way to move out by the fall. i feel like i'm on a overly motivated mission to breathe again.

daniele and i want to start a band , whos in?

Sunday, July 13, 2008

its weird that last summer was one of the best summers, esspecially last july.
this july is far/ farthest from the best anything.

i'm really grateful for friends

ive permanently decided on two tattoos
i want to get the one of my wrist tomorrow

i need to change everything right away

its 630 in the morning, i really do never ever sleep.

i can't believe you ran away.
how could you?

Friday, July 11, 2008

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today i was describing how to a friend how he makes me feel so ugly and boring sometimes, like drew barrymoore in never been kissed and how i just want to  scream " i'm not josie grossie anymore!" and feel good again. they told me i was not josie grossie but drew at the end of the movie on the baseball field because the beach boys are playing.<3

i want to be on the same level as your friends or above again.

i'm going to transfer to f.i.t by the spring and hopefully have an apartment by november.

i want to go to california for my birthday and i have a 500$ airlines coupon, whos down?

everything on this island is so depressing...


Wednesday, July 9, 2008

a skit?

facts have definitions

love has no definition

love can therefore not be a fact

so how can we know if love is ever or will ever be real?