Tooth Extraction

or bloody warfare massacre in my mouth?

either way its going to suck when the novocain wears off and everyone laughed when i said i have to go to school at 8 am tomorrow and work afterwards, but it was no joke.

"

2) Admissions Requirements

You will receive two confirmations that your application has been received: the first will be from the SUNY Application Services Center and the second will be from FIT.

The letter that you receive from FIT will include your assigned login IDs, PIN and Password which you will need to complete your application. It can take 3 – 4 weeks for this second letter to arrive   "

Who can really wait around for 3-4 weeks for a letter to come? i'm too anxious for that type of thing. it's been eating away at my life. I just want to write this essay and get it over with and know my fate and all the what-nots.

I constantly read New York Magazine. yes, OMG, a revelation, there is a magazine to read besides the ever so popular nylon magazine, not that i don't read that either. anyways, there was an article in this issue about people who came to new york because they believed it was really going to be the place where " dreams come true" and that every second, minute, and hour something exciting would be going on. Then the article went into how these people decided to move to BUFFALO because all they really gained here was high rent prices.  The article was crazy, i had no idea buffalo was the second poorest city in the U.S. and that $60,000 could get you a median / average sized house and that $300,000 could get  you a mansion.  $60,000 here will get you a hut under the boardwalk that a bum has been peeing on the side of for weeks.

I'm glad i'm an actual " New Yorker" and  i know the real deal...but really.... did these people really think that a city where everyone wants to be and / or is moving because its " the city of dreams" wouldn't be tough fucking shit? seriously.  But at least you have an office with french doors in buffalo

The article was good but it made me angry, just as the writer said it probably was.

p.s. i'm way too into the hillz

tomorrow is school and mouth surgrey ...where i'll probably have a panic attack and leave before i walk into the office

Another one through

Today was my last full day of summer. the only thing i want to do was get my car washed to get loads of dirt an some egg off of it and i didn't even do that. i'm so miserable about summer ending and school starting in two days. i'm 50% glad i've picked up another day at work so i can pay all the money i owe faster. i want my essay application to come from fit real bad.

Went to PA, poconos, for 4 days it was GOOD. 

- I shot guns and it was insane and maybe one of the best feelings/ experiences ever. carianne says i'm going to become that crazy mother annette bening played in american beauty. sounds good to me. it really would release loads of stress if i could just go shoot a target for 15 minutes at least. so someone buy me a ruger redhawk revolver so i can be a cowgirl.

- when and HIKED in bushkill falls and played in the waterfalls. it was amazing and beautiful there and ther were staircases and trails built along side the mountain.

- i now love ping pong

- i fucking hate the taste of jager but it makes me feel so good

- cigarettes- $4.60 WHAT.

I need to:

- shop

-buy a new mattress and finally have a giant bed

- take a mini trip to a different city for a weekend like boston or philly or anywhere really

- see girlfriends

- buy awesome movies i made a list of

- watch the documentary on helen thomas

- find and purchase ' i hope they serve beer in hell ' still

- regain a super flat stomach

- have the surgrey on my mouth

- buy awesome dracula shit

-  get the way bandy book on makeup

- write an essay explaining explanations i don't have but just know

- make $$$$$

Summer is almost gone.  I have less than 10 days till school. I told the other girl i work with that i would take over her thursdays for her but i don't even know if i can. this picture to the left is weird. i have extra skinny limbs.

Waking up at 6:30 in the morning to have class in ITALIAN of all things at 8 a.m. and then having work till 8 afterwards will suck. my entire week will.

I need to write essays.

I need to have "Hills nights" with nikki every monday in bk.

I've been making  a list of really good movies to buy, 

i really hate this summer, but i do not want it to end.

going to the poconos to get away with like paul, 10 dudes and nikkianne from thursday- sunday.  I can't wait to swim in the lake and shoot guns.

i need to use my id.

 

17.

i figured out that i am going to be broke till around my birthday, which is also not possible for me because it's not like i get money from my parents i only have my own. i still owe daniele $35, and now my parents $403 for my phone bill from text messaging, i.e. DO NOT TEXT ME , CALL OR SEE ME IN PERSON LIKE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS, and i'm going to the poconos this weekend so i'm going to owe ralph $160

i've been looking like crap lately, maybe? i think so.  haven't been doing much either. this is offically the worst summer. it was such a drag and a fucking half man. i smoked a joint with my boss yesterday in the salon, that was pretty awesome and i bought a woody allen box set dvd thing. its sad that these are some of the highlights from summer.

i sent in my application  for FIT today. i hope i get in, and thats all there is to update about that.

went to a show with brittnee and met up with dustin there, who was absolutely hilarious. the security guard gave me dirty looks for eating a hotdog. misery signals is so flawless when they perform, always.

also, i will never be or ever have been an unfaithful girlfriend to anyone. i've never even been an unfaithful friend. thats all there is to say about that is well.

picz soon

peace outz

everything is going missing in my life.

certain things should just remain constant.

the male gender.

it must be a full moon or some shit because all the men in my life are going nuts.  i havent gotten along with my dad in about 6 months or so. i think it became the worst when he retired and was always home, because our relationship wasn't great before that. but a few days it go so extreme that was mom was screaming out our screen door that she was going to call the cops because we were beating each other to the ground on my front lawn. yep, me and my father we're in a fist fight, and in front of mary which made it worse for me.

i left me house for about 2 days and slept out but i slept home last night because i had to catch an early ferry which i missed anyway. i've been carrying an overnight bag with my everywhere and staying at pauls, where ill probably stay again tonight.

the rest of the boys in my life are just so overly dramatic lately , everything i do , i can't win. something is always wrong in some way or another.everyone needs to take a horse sized chill pill.

bluebird.

i just want to know what exactly what i want.

i need to stop staying up till 6 a.m. because i constantly browse the internet and my mind in search of something, but what?

i need new music in my life.

i got a fake i.d. : happy birthday to me i turned 21 and am from maine.

this is possibly one of the most beautiful things i've ever read:

there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him, I say, stay in there, I'm not going to let anybody see you. there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I pur whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he's in there.  there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him, I say, stay down, do you want to mess me up? you want to screw up the works? you want to blow my book sales in Europe? there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too clever, I only let him out at night sometimes when everybody's asleep. I say, I know that you're there, so don't be sad. then I put him back, but he's singing a little in there, I haven't quite let him die and we sleep together like that with our secret pact and it's nice enough to make a man weep, but I don't weep, do you?