the root of the root

Good things about myself:

- if i really consider you my friend i'm very loyal to you. i will always keep your deepest secrets and just regular aspects of your life to myself. betraying someone would wear me down

- i'm a good listener even though i'm pretty sure i have a.d.d. while storying telling, i'll always try to give you the best advice

- best astrological advice to go with the last one

- 99% polite to everyone  to keep things easy

- always up for fun

flaws:

- i need everything ( friends, boyfriend, work, family, job) to be fairly balanced but i feel like i'm usually the only one in the world to feel that this strongly so i usually fuck the balance up. trying not to hurt anyones feelings and keep things fair

- apologize too much  for things people would never dream of apologizing for

- takes so long for people to let people in causing me to be really judgmental sometimes

-hard for me to put myself first

-sometimes flakey

-worry wart

- hard time saving money

I lost my ambition when I swallowed my pride

Things coming up

+ paint my room the perfect shade of eggshell or some white/ yellow color

+ get more lamps for light

+ finish the last twilight series book

+ do good on midterms. dont slack off on all the projects i have

I hate sitting somewhere , listening to a conversation or worse being in one, while you see right through that person.  It makes me so uncomfortable and i wonder if i'm the only one thinking this or of people do this with me.

The weekend was nice.  It was warm the ENTIRE three days of it, which put mostly everyone in a good mood.  Friday there was a show at docks. my girlfriends, dude friends, and a million and a half kids i've never seen in my life.  it was poops birthday , we all smoked and ate chinese and found out they deliver past midnight.

Saturday nicole surprised me at work, we ate pretzel crushed chicken , only the best chicken ever p.s., and shopped. me paul and ralph went up to purchase to joes house. it was fun, his new house is really nice, stuffed our faces with pigs in a blanket and beer.  thought i was going to actually die on the ride home though.

Sunday  was the parade in west brighton.  i was drinking in a parking lot with my friends and drunk by 11 am. saw a lot of people from high school. went to a way too crowded bar.  fell more in love with mary tina and nicole. went into a coma around 5 pm because i got home at 6 am the day before.

this week is rainy and glum.

i have work in a half hour and i'm still in bed. i wanna live in pauls bed.

i have to make a 1-2 minute movie from a prospective of an inanimate object.  I'm going to do it from a plates p.o.v.  i hope it turns out good, i should have really started already.  i have to rent equip. tomorrow.

I took a Zumba fitness class.  It was great! every girl should take this class.  I go after class on thursdays at 10 am.  Its a mix of salsa, reggae, and latino dance moves mixed into a fitness work out.  my teacher played sean paul and souja boy. nuff said.  I also take an abs class for an hour afterward.

Flightless bird, grounded.

So,

Things I don't care about:

1. media conglomeration and synergy

2. the 100$ deposit i was suppose to have for class last week

3.  motivated cuts/ directing or coming up for a movie story line of any type

4. the foot of snow we got

5. any snapple besides fruit punch currently

6. going out with my hair damp

7. being broke

anybody who hasn't read the twilight books, needs to read them. i must have been living under a rock, but the love story its really intense and great, i now understand why there are "twimom" aka moms who are just as obsessed with twilight and edward as much as their 13 year old daughters.

Brianna sketched me. 

I was Daniele's patient, she cleaned my teeth, I need to start flossing.

We move like the sea. You, you're all i want to know.

Soon. 

So, since my cousin was killed i've been having a re- occurring dream that i am at different peoples funerals. people that i've just only been around a few times in my life, not anyone that has made an impact or been important to it in any way.  anyways, when i wake up i just feel shitty and want to scream. i need some kind of remedy to get rid of this.

on a good note:

my godfathers daughter works for HOUSE productions and castings in the city across from the chelsea market and asked me if i wanted her to save me a spot for an internship in the summer.  fucking awesome.  and it would only be about 2 days a week but thats ok with me because 1. i'm not getting paid and 2. i don't want to be working my ass off for no money during the summer.  the only part about it is that i really wanted to drive cross country and travel during the summer. i've been saving money and all.  i know it's not as important career wise but travel is really important to me and i wanted to do it before internships and jobs  got in the way, i guess they beat me to the punch tho.

valentines was cute. i got long stemmed roses and love lobster tail.

and also, i really understand why 95% of the world is obsessed with Twilight. AND kate winslet should win the oscar for The Reader.