Ive been obsessed with interior design blogs lately. I love yellow accents and white walls with dark wood floors and lots and lots of light.

Back to reality, i've been working unbelievably hard lately balancing an internship, school, and days to work so i at least have some money to live. its not much though and i'm really broke and i took about 30$ out of my vacation saving which makes me so mad, but i'm t kind of proud of myself. I sat in on a casting today and it was really interesting. I really like my internship, i hope i'm doing a good job. i have to learn not to over think things and judge myself so much. schools boring and i hope i can graduate in june. even though i'll have a couple more classes to make up it'll be a huge relief off my shoulders.

i started to make a bucket list, things include:

- volunteering at sundance film festival

-camping out at the grand canyon

- going to the superbowl or world series and wearing extreme face makeup

- learn how to knit

also, i want to see every cheesy movie thats about to come out.

i need a new hair color.

my bed has become more of a glorious haven than it already was.

Dry Skin

i love banksy, if you haven't seen his street art look it up.

I'm going to buy myself this bike in the spring, so that in the summer i can ride around and listen to music and save gas when its really expensive. mary moved to rosebank so now i dpn't have anyone living 10 minutes away from me anymore, but an hour bike trip would be nice in the summer.

I can't believe this year is almost over i feel like so much has happened and honestly i can't wait till after new years for the simple fact that i won't have to save all my money anymore and i can stop being a debbie downer on the weekends. winter doesn't excite me though. new york is so brutal in the winter and i like to hibernate. its suppose to snow tomorrow. i have my best friend from high schools wedding in 5 days. its crazy that shes getting married. when we were 14 we use to write notes to each other all day in school about boys and our boyfriends and pass them in classes we had together , or in between classes we didnt have together. everyone still thinks we are sisters and its still great.i wish i saw her more. shes moving to hawaii, one of my favorite places, and i hope i can visit her in june.

i have 2 semesters of school left. if i take 25 credits next semester i can walk in graduation and then take like 2 or 3 classes in the fall. im been sending out countless resumes for internships and barely getting anything back. i think its true when everyone said its all about who you know. but i met my moms friends and had coffee and stuff with her on 38th last week and then went to briannas office to help her hang clothes and clean the showroom. i'm born and raised in new york and have never been to macys and we walked past and i dragged her in and then ran out from the amount of people trying to run me over.

i miss people i want to do things over my break. i really want to go to the tim burton exhibit at the moma.

i also want to volunteer at a rehab center and take a film theory class, im one of those people who hates watching movies they hate though.

I posed for my friend brianna a while ago for one of her art classes in boys clothes..these are her paintings of me!

The winters a drag. i want to burrow into a hole made of blankets and pillows on my bed and pop out 5 months later in time for summer sunshine. everyone hibernates and i boycott.

Internship search is moving along i guess. i discovered i'm really impatient and don't want to wait for people to e-mail me back so i might just get dressed up and go to some of these places. hopefully they'll see it as showing initiative and not me being obsessive or crazy. I've sent out about 15 resumes and my mom hooked me up with some people i have to e-mail to meet for coffee and chat...like a grown up. hopefully next semester i have 2 days of school, 2 days of internship and 2 days of work.

And if the snow buries my,
my neighbourhood.
And if my parents are crying
then I'll dig a tunnel
from my window to yours,
yeah a tunnel from my window to yours.
You climb out the chimney
and meet me in the middle,
the middle of the town.
And since there's no one else around,
we let our hair grow long
and forget all we used to know,
then our skin gets thicker
from living out in the snow.

- neighborhood #1 tunnels by arcade fire.

I never update anymore. slacker.

Needs:

- to graduate with a bachelors, which may require me to double major since i only need five more classes. Possibly journalism or cooperate communications. One more year.

- a trip to germany or paris, but probably paris because i can stay with my dads cousins. and another trip back to sunny california to regain my tan from summer.

- new furniture

- a big warm winter coat and lots of sweaters

- lots of money

- final-cut pro so i don't have to travel to school to edit video and make inconvenient appointments.

- AN INTERNSHIP. if i make the ballsy choice to do one next semester i need to figure this out asap.

- in and out burger VV

-

Left Coast Envy

California was beautiful. Big post asap

Ends.

End of Summer is exactly two weeks away,

i have to pull some strings with advisors at school to get some classes changed hopefully,

finish my resume and apply to internships which i've been putting off because i refuse to think about getting older 24/7.....but i hate my job lately so it needs to happen anywayz

but first

West Hollywood/ Venice Beach/ Santa Monica/ hopefully i convince mary to go to the red woods

in 1 week.

anxieties: 

the plane ride

that something terrible will happen home while i'm 3000 miles away

that something terrible will happen on vacay while i'm 3000 miles away

Keep it movin

So much has changed in the last month that i can't even wrap my head around it, 

if there wasnt a few people here i care about id run far away

I went to monessen , PA near pittsburgh.  creepy fucking town.  a toxic chemical cloud escaped from the factory thats there and killed most of the people in the town , and the factory was closed down so everyone else left because they lost their jobs.  it was a pretty abandoned town.  we went down to visit nikki and chris for nikkis birthday.  most of the people were chill and i had a really good time.  it was really good to get away and go into the country.  i ate dennys everyday, was amazing.  came really close to thinking a hairless rat was cute and it touched me and i didnt kill it,  this is a HUGE accomplishment for me since i hate all rodents. some dude has a tattoo of himself (yes himself tattoed on himself) as the devil on his left shoulder and jerry garcia as an angel playing guitar on his right shoulder.  ate mad ego waffles, and lived on a porch for a weekend.

I think i made an awesome resume and i'm glad that i can get multiple salon cilent recommendations.  my rents went to north carolina for the last week.  i love sleeping with my dog.  i probably washed every clothing item in my room this past week.  i started to jump rope as a work out and i realized i need to quit smoking.  nicole moved to california monday, it sucks, but were booking our plane tickets this weekend. i feel alone sometimes, but ive realized its better, and i'm really not.

Sandy Hair

updated summer bucket list, etc:

- LA august 24-27, SF 28-30

-getting tanner, but not tan yet, but i will be black soon enough

- megan fox stomach coming soon

- more celebs deaths prob

- CT to go wake-boarding and hanging on the lake with my cousins and friends

- new hair, new bangs

-Pittsburgh July 10th

Remember when we talked of where we'd be a year from now?

Unreliability ... have I figured out my biggest pet peeve.  No this probably just adds onto the list because its pretty HUGE in my book.

I think lately i've lost a giant part of myself to trying to please everyone.  I mean, i've always been like this but its gone above and beyond.   i don't even think of myself anymore and i'm pretty disgusted with myself.   everything has become a hassle everyday , stepping on eggshells, with everyone .  maybe i'm just having a nervous breakdown or something. or maybe its all this rain.  

Met up with nik and ate dukes and got caught in the monsoon season that new york had been going through the entire month of june .   went to a psychic and she told me that i'm practicing some form of magic, that i should work in entertainment ( she also told nik that, but thats my major in school), and that i'm going to marry someone 2 years older than me.  she says i'm in relationships ( yes plural) now that i need to fix up.   maybe my nervous breakdowns and this are all connected?

i've been listening to shook ones and pearl jam for the entire month.  i'm heading out to california with mary to stay with nicole for about a week and i can't wait.  i need to get away from the city.  we're seriously under a plague.

i'm suppose to go to the driving range with my dad for fathers day. i hate golf more than any other sport i know of.  

39th st flea market next weekend..and my cousins memorial service ... on m dads birthday..and then the next day is sams birthday.

Burning Sea

I think i'm completely avoiding a huge crossroads in my life because i'm scared.  Its like having my eyes closed but also seeing so clearly that it is there.  I haven't written in while , half because i'm lazy, and half because i'm really unsure of what i feel and what i want to write.  my mom talked to me about moving out yesterday and it was the icing on my cake that things are changing, and have to change , wether i ignore it or not its going to happen. the weirdest part is that something is telling me all the changes coming will be good for me, but i need to take action so i don't fall behind.

Schools over.  June 10th-14th im gonna go to the bonarroo music festival in Tenn.  camping out for 4 nights on a 700 acre farm. ELVIS COSTELLO , jenny lewis, passion pit, all playing!  last year kanye west had a light show at 4 am.

july 4th free, jenny lewis and bright eyes

july 10th PTW, i can't wait.

its late, summers here, i'll be up until sunrise, my favorite

Im going to have to make really big decisions soon

Take your wings outside, you can't fly in here.

Schools really stressful.  Im alright, but I need to get out of NY for a little.

Dude got held up at gunpoint , well 3 gunpoints, at 4p.m. next door to my job.

Me and Paul tried to make beats.  I bought a lot of movies.

Endwell Cd release show.

Need to get a tattoo asap, but after May 10th because I need to save money till then.

School ending present to myself.

Somewhere out there between the moon and the sea, I wait for you my dear

I've been listening to a lot of new music.  heres some of my favorite itune library newbies

Little joy
Their whole album is good but i personally enjoy the song "Unattainable" the most.  The chick has a really nice voice but isn't the only one who sings.

David Cook, I know he was an American Idol winnner but i can listen to his song "Come back to me" on repeat for a long time and i have crazy music ADD so that says a lot.  

So i'll let you go 
I'll set you free 
And when you see what you need to see 
When you find you come back to me

Sean Lennon? beautiful. His song "Tomorrow" almost put me to tears.  i don't know why i've only started listening to him for about a month and not forever

Because I promise to stop loving you tomorrow
Today will be your last day in my arms again
I promise to stop thinking of you constantly 
And wishing I could wake up every morning next to you
Darling yes it’s true
But today can we pretend it’s not too late
Today can we pretend

Canned Heat, a classic, played at Woodstock etc.  Love the song going up to country, it's just happy, nice, and brings summer heat to my ears, if you get what i'm saying?

Matthew Perryman Jones. His song "Save you" is really good , I haven't downloaded any other yet.

Painting my room!

going where the water tastes like wine.

i need to save 600$ in 2 weeks.

LAMBCHOPS

Spring break is finally here and here is my bucket list for it:

- get a subject and plan my 5 minute interview/docu for video production class.  CSI screwed me and i can't rent out during spring break which would be the perfect time.

- eat really good food everyday and ralphs ice

- paint my room

-go up to woodstock with tina

- go to CT. w/ the family for connecticut and maybe MASS. for metalfest but probs not. because i want to save up for dirty jersey atlantic city beaches for pauls birthday and old homstead giant 7 oz steacks and of course presents for him.

-new hair color?

- take in the 2 weeks of sun!

- save for cali roadtrip also.

I got an A on my Rush Limbaugh vs. The Presidency paper!

save the planet.

This is where your path comes to an end.

I've been really busy lately with school , work, boyfriend, and friends. I've been falling way behind in school and just want it to be over and done with, not even caring about my grades anymore but just passing and not having to vent about it anymore here would be great.

I did some thrift shopping yesterday at buffalo exchange and no relations.  those places always smell funkz. buff ex. wouldn't let these two girls who were maybe around 15 exchange clothes for money because they weren't 18 yet and didn't have a parent with them?  is the world fucking kidding, they should be happy these two little girls are taking incentive for themselves to make money before that can have a job and also exchange clothes to give to other people. no?

- over all , nothing to write home about.

- got sweet mint colored canvas from urban, lots of sunglasses from st. marks where the dude was up my butt stalking me watching i wouldn't steal any of his merch and vegetarian spring rolls with a green tea chicken wrap from yaffa w/ nick.

I was sent this band passion pit's EP, so nice to listen to.  theyre a mix of animal collective, postal service, and black kids...to me at least.  i've been obsessing over them for the past week.

on the music note, i need alkaline trio tix.

I covered all week for the other shampoo assistant at work and made a lot of money so i was able to put 100 big ones in my venice beach fund, or any beach fund, or anyplace far away in california with a beach that i can drive to.
It was mary's birthday a couple of weeks ago.  Trash took away my ID which was bullshit of all places because i've never gotten rejected from there, or anywhere.  SO ANYONE WITH BLACK HAIR AND BLUE EYES OVER 21 WHATS GUUUD? I NEED YOUR ID.

the root of the root

Good things about myself:

- if i really consider you my friend i'm very loyal to you. i will always keep your deepest secrets and just regular aspects of your life to myself. betraying someone would wear me down

- i'm a good listener even though i'm pretty sure i have a.d.d. while storying telling, i'll always try to give you the best advice

- best astrological advice to go with the last one

- 99% polite to everyone  to keep things easy

- always up for fun

flaws:

- i need everything ( friends, boyfriend, work, family, job) to be fairly balanced but i feel like i'm usually the only one in the world to feel that this strongly so i usually fuck the balance up. trying not to hurt anyones feelings and keep things fair

- apologize too much  for things people would never dream of apologizing for

- takes so long for people to let people in causing me to be really judgmental sometimes

-hard for me to put myself first

-sometimes flakey

-worry wart

- hard time saving money

I lost my ambition when I swallowed my pride

Things coming up

+ paint my room the perfect shade of eggshell or some white/ yellow color

+ get more lamps for light

+ finish the last twilight series book

+ do good on midterms. dont slack off on all the projects i have

I hate sitting somewhere , listening to a conversation or worse being in one, while you see right through that person.  It makes me so uncomfortable and i wonder if i'm the only one thinking this or of people do this with me.

The weekend was nice.  It was warm the ENTIRE three days of it, which put mostly everyone in a good mood.  Friday there was a show at docks. my girlfriends, dude friends, and a million and a half kids i've never seen in my life.  it was poops birthday , we all smoked and ate chinese and found out they deliver past midnight.

Saturday nicole surprised me at work, we ate pretzel crushed chicken , only the best chicken ever p.s., and shopped. me paul and ralph went up to purchase to joes house. it was fun, his new house is really nice, stuffed our faces with pigs in a blanket and beer.  thought i was going to actually die on the ride home though.

Sunday  was the parade in west brighton.  i was drinking in a parking lot with my friends and drunk by 11 am. saw a lot of people from high school. went to a way too crowded bar.  fell more in love with mary tina and nicole. went into a coma around 5 pm because i got home at 6 am the day before.

this week is rainy and glum.

i have work in a half hour and i'm still in bed. i wanna live in pauls bed.

i have to make a 1-2 minute movie from a prospective of an inanimate object.  I'm going to do it from a plates p.o.v.  i hope it turns out good, i should have really started already.  i have to rent equip. tomorrow.

I took a Zumba fitness class.  It was great! every girl should take this class.  I go after class on thursdays at 10 am.  Its a mix of salsa, reggae, and latino dance moves mixed into a fitness work out.  my teacher played sean paul and souja boy. nuff said.  I also take an abs class for an hour afterward.